Baby
How to Prepare an Older Sibling for a New Baby
By Raised Editorial ยท
Welcoming a new baby is joyous for parents, but often feels like a crisis for an older sibling. Here is how to navigate the transition with empathy and actionable strategies.
Imagine your partner coming home one day, holding a stranger's hand, and announcing: "I love you so much that I brought home another partner! They are going to live with us forever, play with your things, and take up most of my time. Isn't this exciting?"
Psychologically, this is often how an older sibling experiences the arrival of a new baby.
No matter how much you prepare them, the transition from being an only child (or the youngest) to a big sibling is a massive emotional upheaval. Here is how to handle the jealousy, the regressions, and the transition, guided by advice from pediatricians and child psychologists.
1. Prepare Them During Pregnancy
Don't spring the news on a toddler before they can understand time. Wait until you have a visible bump, or around the start of the third trimester, to start talking about the baby.
- Read books: Read age-appropriate books about becoming a big sibling.
- Don't overhype it: Resist the urge to tell them they are getting a "new best friend to play with." Newborns do not play; they sleep, cry, and eat. Set realistic expectations so the older child isn't bitterly disappointed when the baby arrives.
- Include them in prep: Let them choose the baby's coming-home outfit or a special toy for the nursery. This gives them a sense of ownership.
2. The Introduction
First impressions matter. When the older sibling comes to the hospital or meets the baby at home for the first time, try to make sure your hands are free.
Have the baby resting in a bassinet or being held by your partner so you can give your older child a massive, two-armed hug. Let them decide how close they want to get to the baby. Do not force them to hold or kiss the newborn if they are hesitant.
3. Anticipate Regression
It is incredibly common for a fully potty-trained 3-year-old to suddenly start having accidents, or for an independent sleeper to demand you stay in their room all night.
This is a regression. They see the baby getting all your attention for being helpless, so their brain tells them: "If I act like a baby, maybe they will pay attention to me again."
Do not punish the regression. Validate their feelings: "It is hard sharing Mommy, isn't it?" When you meet their emotional need for reassurance, the regressive behavior usually fades.
4. Prioritize One-on-One Time
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) strongly recommends setting aside dedicated, one-on-one time with the older sibling. It doesn't need to be a grand outing to a theme park. Ten minutes of uninterrupted Lego building or reading a book while the baby sleeps is enough.
During this time, do not talk about the baby. This is their time.
5. Involve Them (But Don't Make Them a Parent)
Toddlers and preschoolers love to be "helpers."
- Give them jobs: Ask them to fetch a diaper or sing a song to calm the baby down.
- Make feeding time special: If you are feeding the baby, invite the older child to cuddle next to you and read them a story. This stops feeding time from feeling like a time they are being ignored.
Finally, allow them to express negative feelings. If they say, "I don't like the baby, send them back," don't scold them. Say, "You are feeling really frustrated right now. It is okay to feel that way." They don't need to love the baby immediately; they just need to know that your love for them hasn't changed.